emang
Forum Newbie
Banned by Admin
this lot is for sale
Posts: 13
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Post by emang on Jan 3, 2006 15:17:21 GMT 7
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emang
Forum Newbie
Banned by Admin
this lot is for sale
Posts: 13
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Post by emang on Jan 3, 2006 15:45:45 GMT 7
A guy is nearing the end of his senior year in high
school. Unfortunately, he still has to share a room
with his younger brother who is only 9 years old.
One night, he decides to bring his girlfriend home for
a little fun. They have bunk beds and the guy notices
that his little brother is already asleep on the lower
bunk, so he and his girlfriend climb up to the top
bunk.
As you might expect things start to heat up.
The guy remembers that his little brother is sleeping
below so he tells his girlfriend to whisper "lettuce"
if she wants it harder and "tomato" if she wants a new position.
Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
She screams.
Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
Whoa!!!
PULL IT OUT!!!
PULL IT OUT NOW!!!
I can't get pregnant!
Then the little brother shouts up, "Hey, would you
guys stop making sandwiches up there! You're getting
mayonnaise all over my face!
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emang
Forum Newbie
Banned by Admin
this lot is for sale
Posts: 13
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Post by emang on Jan 3, 2006 15:47:21 GMT 7
How to Impress.......
A Woman
Call her,
Surprise her,
Compliment her,
Comfort her,
Protect her,
Dance with her,
Tease her,
Hug her,
Hold her,
Write Love letters to her,
Cuddle her,
Kiss her,
Caress her,
Laugh with her,
Love her,
Stroke her,
Spend money on her,
Wine & Dine her,
Buy things like jewelry and flowers for her,
Listen to her,
Care for her,
Stand by her,
Cry with her,
Support her,
Go to the ends of the Earth for Her!
How to impress a Man
Show up naked.
Bring Beer.
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Post by Kak®sA on Jan 4, 2006 8:33:48 GMT 7
Anak: Pa, unsa man ng SEX?
Papa: Kana bang magromansahay mi sa imong mama hangtud mutiurok among mga mata sa kalami
Anak: Kataas sad ana pa uy, di man masulod sa biodata
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Post by Guest on Jan 4, 2006 15:56:50 GMT 7
naa pa mo lain jokes diha? post pa mo bi!  |
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Post by Known Anonymous on Jan 4, 2006 16:17:06 GMT 7
LQ si mommy at Daddy so ang kanilang communication dinaan sa kanilang 10 year old son.
DADDY: Anak sabihin mo kay mommy gusto ko magtype( Meaning gusto ng sex)
ANAK: Mommy!! gusto raw ni daddy magtype.
MOMMY: Naku! Anak sabihin mo kay daddy mo wrong timing siya red ribbon ngayon.(meaning may menstruation).
AFTER 1 WEEK
MOMMY: Anak sabihin mo kay daddy pwede na siyang magtype
ANAK: Daddy sabi ni mommy pwede na raw kayo magtype.
DADDY: Naku! Anak sabihin mo kay mommy mo hindi ko na natiis na HANDWRITTEN ko na.
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Post by ©ÿßê® - Wèb - Slãve on Jan 4, 2006 20:50:11 GMT 7
ka funny sab sa eya joke oi! hehehe....
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Post by ©ÿßê® - Wèb - Slãve on Jan 4, 2006 20:53:28 GMT 7
ADDITIONAL KNOWLEDGE LANG. THIS IS NOT A JOKE!
Van Gogh Family
A relative who likes his liquor . . . La Sing Gogh
In-law who is serving time in Muntinlupa . . . Vinny Lang Gogh
Rich Chinese aunt who doesn't care who smells her . . . Dina Lee Lee Gogh
The dermatologist cousin . . . Dr. Kuh Lou Gogh
The olympian athlete niece . . . Reddy Ghetzett Gogh
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Post by MangPedro on Jan 5, 2006 20:43:18 GMT 7
SEX BLONDE JOKES
Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill on her head?
A: All you can eat under a buck.
Q: Why is a blonde like a hardware store?
A: They are both 10¢ a screw!
Submitted by: Claude Wimberly
Q: What is a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme!
Submitted by: Ian R. Almond
Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
A: Nothing. They've never met.
A: Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.
Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.
Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
Q: Why do blondes where big hoop earrings?
A: To put their feet through.
Q: What's a brunette's mating call?
A: Has that blonde gone yet?
A2: When is that blonde pregnant dog going to leave!?
A3: "All the blondes have gone home!"
Q: What do you say to a blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."
Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: Because everybody gets a turn.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".
Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A1: Introduces him/her self.
A2: Walks home.
Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating?
A: By the buckle print on her forehead.
Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead.
Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
A: Her feet!
Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.
Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it, the looser it gets.
Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
A1: Forget the road, what was she doing out of the bedroom!?
A2: I don't know.
R: Neither did she.
Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.
Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!
Q: Why did they call the blonde "twinkie"?
A: She liked to be filled with cream.
Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that "love handles" referred to her ears?
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
A: In the morning a rooster says, "thingy'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says, "Any-thingy'll-doooo."
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York?
A: The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men.
Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
A: The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?"
The nympho says, "Are you done already?"
The blonde says, "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
A: It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.
Q: What do blondes wear behind their ears to attract men.
A: Their heels.
Confucius say; blonde who fly upside down have crack up.
Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A: She picks up her purse and goes home.
A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!
Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.
Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.
Blonde: ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy.
Q: How do you describe the perfect blonde?
A: 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.
Q: Why do blondes have girl thingys?
A: So guys will talk to them at parties.
... then there was the blonde who started the restaurant with the slogan "Billions Served - just today"
Q: What do blondes do after they comb their hair?
A: They pull up their pants.
Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod...
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A: You can only put 3 fingers in a bowling ball.
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Post by MangPedro on Jan 5, 2006 20:50:22 GMT 7
A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, told him that he would now need to enter a password. Something he will use to log on. The husband was in a rather humorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife what he was keying in. "P....E....N....I....S.." His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied: **** PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH*****
madre: ano ang apelyido mo iho?lalake: alam niyo na po yun sister! lagi niyo pong hinahawakan yun!madre: HA!? BAYAG ANG APELYIDO MO??? lalake: sister naman! Rosario po ang apelyido ko
The Setting: Pageant Night Ms. Universe Beauty Pageant Q&A Portion. The Finalists: Ms. America -Ms. Spain - Ms. Britain - Ms. Iran -Ms. India - Ps. Philippines - Question: Ms. America, how do you describe a male organ in your country? Ms. America: Well, I would say that, male organs in America are like gentlemen. Q: Why do you say that? Ms. America: Because it stands everytime it sees a woman. (Applause..Applause) Q: Ms. Spain, how do you describe a male organ in your country? Ms. Spain: Male organs in our country are like toros in our very own bullfight. Q: Why do you say that? Ms. Spain: Because it charges everytime it sees an opening. (Applause..Applause) Q: Ms. Britain, how would you describe a male organ in your country? Ms. Britain: Male organs in our country are like Shakespearian actors. Q: Why do you say that? Ms. Britain: Because it cries after every performance. (Applause..Applause) Q: Ms. Iran, how would you describe a male organ in you country? Ms. Iran: Well, I can say that male organs in our country are like thieves. Q: Why? Ms. Iran: Because they always enter thru the back door. (Applause..Applause) Q: Ms. India, how would you describe a male organ in your country? Ms. India: A male organ in our country is like a laborer. Q: Why do you say that? Ms. India: Because it works day and night. (Applause..Applause) Q: Ms. Philippines, how would you describe a male organ in your country? Ms. Philippines: Ahh..well, opcors, hi,hi,hi...I can say dat male organs in ourcountry are like chismis! Q: Chismis? Ms. Philippines: Ayy sorry!!..It's ano..Kuwan...It means GOSSIP in our language. Q: Hmm..Interesting comparison..And why do you say that? Ms. Philippines: Ayy..diyahe!! Hihihi, Kasi...I mean...Because...it passes frommouth to mouth. (STANDING OVATION)
~~~ What's a Filipino Man's Ultimate Embarrassment?.....Banging into a wall withan erection, and hurting his nose.~~~
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Post by MangPedro on Jan 6, 2006 8:42:41 GMT 7
LQ si mommy at Daddy so ang kanilang communication dinaan sa kanilang 10 year old son. DADDY: Anak sabihin mo kay mommy gusto ko magtype( Meaning gusto ng sex) ANAK: Mommy!! gusto raw ni daddy magtype. MOMMY: Naku! Anak sabihin mo kay daddy mo wrong timing siya red ribbon ngayon.(meaning may menstruation).AFTER 1 WEEKMOMMY: Anak sabihin mo kay daddy pwede na siyang magtype ANAK: Daddy sabi ni mommy pwede na raw kayo magtype. DADDY: Naku! Anak sabihin mo kay mommy mo hindi ko na natiis na HANDWRITTEN ko na.
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Post by MangPedro on Jan 6, 2006 8:43:33 GMT 7
tanong: Anong pinagkaiba ng secretary sa sexytary?........ ang secretary sinasabi sa boss nya na.... Gud Mrning Sir.....samntlang ang sexytary ay ngsasabing.... SIR, SIR MORNING NA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Post by Kak®sA on Jan 18, 2006 14:19:57 GMT 7
"tato sa t**i"
sa loob ng isang restroom, may isang pinoy na pinagyayabang ang tato niya sa t**i sa mga kabarkada nito. komo kuluntoy pa, mapapansin na ang dulo at huling letra nito'y WY ngunit pag tumigas na at humaba ay mababasa ang pangalang WENDY.
pinoy: WENDY is the name of my girlfriend(na kangisi na may halong pagmamalaki at pagyayabang)
biglang may pumasok na isang matangkad na negro para umihi, nang eksaktong inilabas nito ang kanyang ari, napansin nilang mayruon ding tato ito sa puno't dulo ng t**i niya na letrang WY.
pinoy:(nagtanong)is your girlfriend's name WENDY too?
negro: nope, but i'm from jamaica
umuhi na ang negro, pinagpagpag ang t**i, nanigas iyon at lumantad ang buong tato nito sa t**i niya
"Welcome to jamaica...have a nice and wonderful daY"
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Post by tresotchenta on Jan 18, 2006 18:23:33 GMT 7
strictly green!!!
1. TAPSILOG - Tapa, Sinangag, Itlog
2. LONGSILOG - Longganisa, Sinangag, Itlog
3. HOTSILOG - Hotdog, Sinangag, Itlog
4. PORKSILOG - Pork, Sinangag, Itlog
5. CHICKSILOG - Chicken, Sinangag Itlog
6. AZUCARERA - Adobong Aso
7. LUGLOG - Lugaw, Itlog
8. PAKAPLOG - Pandesal, Kape, Itlog
9. KALOG - Kanin, Itlog
10. PAKALOG - Pandesal, Kanin, Itlog
11. MAALOG NA BETLOG - Maalat na Itlog, Pakbet, Itlog
12. BAHAW - Bakang Inihaw (akala ninyo kaning lamig ano)
13. KALKAL - Kalderetang Kalabaw
14. HIMAS - Hipon Malasado
15. HIMAS SUSO - Hipon Malasado, Sugpo, Keso
16. HIMAS PEKPEK - Hipon Malasado, Kropek, Pinekpekan
17. PEKPEK MONG MALAKI - Kropek, Pinekpekan, Monggo,
Malasado, Laing, Kilawin
18. DILA - Dinuguan, Laing
19. DILAAN MO - Dinuguan, Laing, Dalandan, Molo
20. BOKA BOKA - Bopis, Kanin, Bokayo, Kape
21. BOKA BOKA MO PA - Bopis, Kanin, Bokayo, Kape,Molong Pancit
22. KANTOT - Kanin, Tortang Talong
23. KANTOT PA - Kanin, Tortang Talong, Pancit
24. SIGE KANTOT PA - Sinigang na Pige, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Pancit
25. SIGE KANTOT PA IBAON MO - Sinigang na Pige, Kanin,Tortang Talong,
Pancit - Take out
26. SIGE KANTOT PA HA - Sinigang na Pige, Kanin,Tortang Talong, Pancit,
Halo-halo
27. SIGE KANTOT PAIBAON MO PAPA! - Sinigang na Pige, Kanin, Tortang
Talong, Pancit... Take out with Ketchup
28. PAKANTOT - Pandesal, Kanin, Tortang Talong
29. PAPAKANTOT - Papaitan, Kanin, Tortang Talong
30. PAPAKANTOT KA BA - Papaitan, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Kapeng Barako
31. PAKANTOT SA YO - Pandesal, Kanin, Tortang Talong,Saging + Yosi
32. PAKANTOT KA - Pandesal, Kanin, Tortang Talong,Kape
33. PAKANTOT KA HABANG MATIGAS PA - Pandesal, Kanin, Tortang Talong,
Kape, Inihaw na Bangus,
Maruya,Tinola, Ginisang Aso, Pancit
34. SUBO! - Sugpo, Bopis
35. SUBO MO - Sugpo, Bopis, Molo
36. SUBO MO PA - Sugpo, Bopis, Molo, Pancit
37. SUBO MO PA MAIGE - Sugpo, Bopis, Molo, Mais, Pige
38. SUBO MO TITE KO - Sugpo, Bopis, Tinola, Teryaki,Kochinta
39. SUBO MO TITE KO BILIS - Sugpo, Bopis, Tinola Teryaki, Kochinta,
Bihon, Tawilis
40. SUBO MO TITE KO BILIS, HAYOP! - ...same as #39, minura mo lang yung
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Post by tresotchenta on Jan 18, 2006 18:25:37 GMT 7
Pag dating ni Munir sa bahay, sabi ni Ei, ang asawa nya, "Sweetheart, delayed ako ng isang buwan. Kagagaling ko lang sa doktor. Pero huwag mong sabihin kahit kanino, kung hindi mapapahiya lang ako kapag di nagkatotoo."
Kinaumagahan, merong dumating na taga-Meralco. Pagbukas ng pinto, sabi niya, "Ale, delayed ho kayo ng isang buwan."
"Kanino mo nalaman ito?" tanong ni Ei.
"Nandito ho nakasulat sa records namin," sagot ng taga-Meralco.
"Talaga? Nakasulat sa records ninyo?"
Sa sumunod na araw, si Munir ay dumating galit na galit sa counter ng Meralco.
"Paano niyo nalaman na delayed ng isang buwan ang misis ko?
"Konting pasensya lang. Kung gusto niyong mawala sa records namin ito, magbayad na lang kayo," sagot ng isang empleyado.
"Eh, kung ayaw kong magbayad?" tanong ni Munir.
"Puputulan ho kayo," sagot ng empleyado.
"Kung puputulan ako, anong gagamitin ng misis ko?"
"Pwede naman siyang gumamit ng kandila, di ba?"
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???hik'
